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[30 Jul 2008|04:50pm] |
I had a dream that my
right hand could speak
and it told me it misses
her,
except there was no dream,
for I can't sleep,
and my hand didn't scream
but scratched across my stomache
"where are you, goddamnit?"
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[30 Apr 2008|04:43pm] |
The saddest part of this whole semester will be not getting an A in guitar class. Probably. I mean I never go, but maybe if I offer my instructor a blow job (he'd totally accept) Dani will understand. maybe.
I want nothing more than for this year to end. I want nothing more than to go home to Texas. I want nothing more than to not leave dani. I WANT TO HAVE MY CAKE AND EAT IT TOO!
Where the hell has all my money gone?
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[14 Mar 2008|11:26pm] |
My eye is on fire. I don't know what animal crawled into my pupil and died, but it is unacceptable. Not only did I have to spend all day with one contact in because of it, but (with the good eye) I saw people looking at me funny. They either thought I'd been crying, I was stoned, or I caught some horrid monkey disease. It is red and gross and slightly smaller than my other eye.
Dani just left for alcapulco--which means a number of things:
a) my room is going to lapse back into disaster area
b) no sex :(
c) catch up on sleep because of b)
d) will take ilona out as her wingman, but will just end up looking like her date. which is counterproductive
Best part about her going to mexico now is that i gave her some hickeys on her chest last night...haha!!! She's gonna look like the little whore that she is ;)
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[08 Feb 2008|11:47pm] |
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Refried beans might just be the tastiest food ever.
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[17 Jan 2008|09:13am] |
Today feels ominous. I had an unnerving, emotionally charged dream this morning, so I was crying as I scrambled eggs for breakfast. Then in the shower my mind was reeling trying to interpret it....then I got out and my OCD suitemate confronted me about this extremely petty matter (cleaned the bathroom two days later than supposed to), so I had a long, extremely weird conversation with her that regressed to techniques for cleaning the bathroom and kitchen , with me also venting that I feel like I clean it 10x more thoroughly than the others. My talk with Michael is scheduled for later today, so that has been playing out in my head for the last two hours too.
I feel so off balance. And that dream feels way more important that the things orbiting in actual reality. And I'm late for work.
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| OMGOMGOMG EXCITING!!! |
[12 Jan 2008|10:39am] |
I was in an exceptionally good mood yesterday after work. I think a lot of it was that it was rain-ish...and I wore my rain boots. Well--my combat boots that my mom bought me that are trying to pull themselves off as rain boots. When she told me she was sending some to me I was excited because that meant I didn't have to shell out $50 to buy some myself. Okay...so rain boots are supposed to be adorable. They say "I wore these today because I don't want to get my dainty feet wet". Opening the boots my mom sent, I immediately heard "I wore these today so I can trudge through all the fuckin' puddles I want without being slowed down."
As barbaric as they are, it still makes me happy knowing I came to the day prepared. Sooooooo...I was in a kipper mood, and decided to walk home from work. Except I took a big detour, shopped for kitchen supplies (upcoming dinner partay sweeeet) at Surprise! Surprise!, walked down some of the east village avenues/through random, unchartered-by-me cross streets, made many mental notes to return to certain stores, ect. I wanted to get some ch-ch-cheddahhh at east village cheese but it was after 5 by this time and there was a line practically out the door.
ANYWAY, so now I get to the most exciting part of my story. Somewhere on 2nd ave I came upon this hole in the wall hardware store (SEXY), thinking I might stumble upon the aggravating mystery screw that keeps my windows from opening all the way. From there I thought I might find the corresponding myseterybit that would defuck mysteryscrew. Well I didn't see anything remotely similar, but I drew a picture for the adorable old asian woman working the store, and tadaaaa! She pulled out a bit from a dusty corner behind the counter, that looked very promising. Upon returning to Lafagette, I took off my combat puddle-rapers, and went to work at my windows. No luck....but after a full night's worth of rested body and brain, I woke up, grabbed some olive oil, a spoon, and my tools, and after some serious elbow grease and rawifying the palms of my hands, I succeeded! Both my windows AT THIS EXACT MOMENT are wide open in a double flip-off to NYU. fuckers.
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[05 Jan 2008|12:49am] |
Through the phone
I can see
His slightly chapped lips
Shape the words,
"I am coked out of my mind."
Before I can
Reply he makes
Me wait as he lights
Up his cig,
I know he didn't call to talk.
He called me
Even though
He knew I would be
Warm in bed
Reaching out to distant dreams
Where colors
Have voices,
Sounds glow through darkness,
Shadows of
White dance across ebony floors.
His call was
a challenge--
I dare you to warn me--
Don't he know
My drug is stronger than his?
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[04 Jan 2008|01:29pm] |
what the fuck, mate?! It is so cold...merrrr. Something odd came over me last night and I actually went running in this weather. Aside from having to thaw out in front of the heater when I got back, it felt really good. I ran in the financial district, which I figured would have less traffic at 9pm. For the first time I actually saw the world trade center site, I passed so many cute restaurants that I cataloged in my memory for future consideration. I realized how little I have actually explored the city--honestly it's pathetic! Note to self: explore the city. Okay, done.
I took off work today, got some much needed sleep. Running was a good idea if not to get rid of my spare tire, than at least to put me into a deep sleep, something I haven't had in a while. Annoying. My laundry is singing in the dryer right now...my clothing forgot what it's like to be clean; I also plan (plan key word) on cleaning my room which has once again regressed into a state of national emergency. Whatever, tonight is going to be a good night. I've been craving oysters on the half shell for some time, and I'm dragging Michael and any other stranded nyu buddy out to either Grand Central Oyster Bar (heard it was the best, but is unfortunately priced like it) or Pearl Oyster Bar, which is in the West Village. only thing is pearl doesn't take reservations and it's a friday night. I don't really want to be waiting in the cold weather for 45 minutes....BUT maybe everyone else thinks that way too. Dunno....
Mer, i need to shower and go pick up my check from work
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[02 Jan 2008|06:58pm] |
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I'm le tired. I worked all day, and going back to work makes me feel like school is starting tomorrow and I'm stressed. booooo
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[18 Dec 2007|02:03am] |
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damn. there she goes..... i really can pick 'em can't I
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| This in handwriting |
[02 Dec 2007|05:27pm] |
I'm writing down my goals with a Papermate pen,
Cheap pen for cheap dreams,
But it's in a Five Star notebook,
Though the stars are for the binding--
I'm sure the paper quality is two stars at best
I'm writing down my goals with a Waterman pen,
Which are made in Paris (the pen, that is)
Neither I nor my dreams have been to France,
Though the price tag's for the pretty casing--
The ink is made in China
I'm writing down my goals in mechanical pencil,
I like the sound of the lead breaking when
I press too ambitiously,
At least I get to erase my mistakes,
But I also erase all of my dreams
and the page remains painfully nude
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[25 Nov 2007|12:02am] |
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ps- I really really want to go out tonight. esp since I'm dressed for once. But no one is in the city. Maybe I'll go to metropolitan and act like i'm supposed to meet someone...and then just pretend that they stood me up. Maybe some really hot dyke will feel sorry for me and talk to me (fall in love with me). yeah that sounds good.
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[24 Nov 2007|11:59pm] |
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I put clothes on today for the first time since wednesday night. Then I ate ethiopian food for the first time since...ever. Then I had italian dessert but not at the ethiopian place because they are ethiopian not italian. But if they made that one cultural culinary exception by offering canolis, that would be awesome. And convenient...because next time i wanted both i could get them in one place. or maybe the italian dessert place should just offer ethiopian entrees. yeah that would be better...
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[24 Nov 2007|01:02am] |
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I realize that I'm not meant to live alone. It's not that I don't like being alone--in fact I love love love it. It's that unless I am in some way bound to my cleaning responsibilities by the consideration of fellow-apartment-dwellers, my sink will look as it does now. I am officially out of clean spoons, knives, and glasses. How did this happen within a 2 day period?
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[22 Nov 2007|03:38pm] |
Things I'm Thankful for:
Having the dorm all to myself for 4 days
Getting paid yesterday
A clean room
Mint hot cocoa my mom sent me in a care package
Having the dorm all to myself for 4 days
Having the dorm all to myself for 4 days
Having the dorm all to myself for 4 days
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[17 Nov 2007|02:12pm] |
I'm taking a weekend off from life. Last night Michael was Mr. VIP at a club and I know he wants to tell me all about it....and I wanna hear all about it. But if I call him I know I'll let my lesbian ass be dragged out tonight. Can...not...let...happen.
I'm throwing away half of the food-shit my mother sent me. I swear she wants me to die. Cheeze Whiz mom?? really??! I don't think anyone has consumed cheeze(chemical waste colored w/yellow die) out of a can since 1986.
My room has been in a post- natural disaster state for far too long. I'm slowly administering relief efforts. I wonder how many small children I will find hidden beneath the rubble by dinnertime. Maybe if there is enough, i'll make them cook and serve me dinner. And bathe me. And study for my enviro science test on monday :(
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[14 Nov 2007|09:01pm] |
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I missed an extremely important class tonight, so now I'm listening to barbara streisand and drinking eggnog. This is bad news bears. Definitely not a time to be upset because mom sent me a box today FILLED with horrible horrible junk food, and I haven't had a chance to throw half of it out yet. ugghhh, I....can't...make...it...stop!
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[04 Nov 2007|01:53pm] |
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Jackie sent me a message today saying she's in the city. I'm freaking out and I have no idea why. I even told her that I was on Long Island till tuesday--I have no idea where that came from or why I said it. Maybe I just need a couple days to calm down and process my out of whack emotions.
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[03 Nov 2007|07:22pm] |
I got off at 4pm yesterday and made plans to hang out with my new friend who works for nyu. He works in the building next to me from like 2-11 or something, and normally on fridays we'll just go to the reservoir while he's on the job, hang out for about an hour, and then split. But yesterday I actually went down to his "office" aka the bat cave, and stayed until 1am. I knew that we had stuff in common, that he was a trustworthy guy, but damn....we are like the same person. It was nonstop talking and smoking and (other) for his entire shift, and then some.
The only thing that really worries me is I don't want him to like...uh...love me. Because I know that he could (if he already doesn't). And that is not to be arrogant but really, he has made very subtle hints, but I know that he would never ever approach me like that or bring that up. And he's said so as well.
I'm really interested to see how this relationship pans out, and I hope I don't fuck it up like I've been known to do with people I can really connect to.
I'm just really unsure of what to do. Is it selfish to pursue this friendship? We just connected like, bam. But deep down I know that he could be really hurt. He knows I'm a lesbian, but that doesn't mean that those feelings won't develop. I mean, he already wrote me a poem. come onnnn.
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[26 Oct 2007|06:08pm] |
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i miss my sisters :( but on a related note, i love split pea soup and i'm eating it like it's my job.
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